Monday, July 4, 2011

Aahh Purple Prose How I Love Thee ...

I recently went on a reading FRENZY and couldn't get enough! A grand total of 20+ books were read (with reviews needing to be written *groans*) and I was in hog heaven, knee deep in swoony romance. I read a little bit of everything but I noticed that I was devouring the historical romance I had on my Kindle.
I love, love, love the feel and the way it sounds in my head. It sometimes has a very musical sound and it's so easy for me to get up in the moment with. BUT most of all... I LOVE the words authors use to describe certain actions. Want to see what I spent alot of time giggling over?

"And then he was kissing her in truth, tasting her, unable to stop himself from plumbing her depths"

Okay, I was so caught up in the moment, deep sighing... goofy grin and BAM! I went from heavy make out session with a sexy rogue to thinking of a balding handyman, showing me his "plumber crack" while he's messing with my pipes. Hehehe so not sexy!

"The rosy folds of her sex unfurled for him?"

OMGSH! If I had have been drinking, it would've shot out my NOSE with this. As it was, I almost choked. I understand opening up, seperating, parting.... but unfurling? The image I had in my mind was the hero going down for a peek and play and she unrolled out her red carpet for him "Ta da!" I am such a visual reader... you can't do this to me!

"Dipped into her mound"

Again, visual reader here and I understand the use of mound. It's popular and I've seen it everywhere but on that particular day, I went from hot scene to the hero with his hand in dirt.... gardening! Sure, it looked like he was going to end up plowing and reaping the rewards of his hard efforts but I honestly thought pile of dirt. Ick!

But my personal favorite....

"By the saints, I'm buried so deep inside you mignonne, I can feel your throat"

WTH?!? I honestly gagged for the poor heroine. How is that sexy? No crooning whispers, sweet words of endearments... just BLECH! I'm all for a little dirty talk and I can appreciate his gratitude for being able to get his manhood in but really? It leaves a bad taste in my mouth *giggles* Yep, I went there!

Does anyone else have a favorite or phrases that crack them up?


CeeVeeDee said...

OH my goodness!! I am totally in agreement and laughed myself silly!! Thanks!!!

Gabrielle said...

So deep I can feel your throat? Ewww.....that's not sexy at all. LOL

BLHmistress said...

the last one LOL omg had me snorting.

here is a couple I found that had me giggling.
"Eric took the soap out of my hands and lathered up his own, set the soap back in its little niche, and began to wash my arms, raising each in turn to stroke my armpit, down my side, never touching my breasts, which were practically quivering like puppies who wanted to be petted."

"I could feel part of Eric pressed against my back, and he wasn’t standing that close. Yikes. Yahoo. Yum."

Rubita said...

I made the mistake of listening to the audio of Highlander's Touch by KMM and, um, let's just say that purple prose when read aloud, by a MAN doesn't work. I had to stop listening to it while driving because I was rolling my eyes so much I was afraid I'd get in an accident. I wish I could remember the choicest bits but no luck. KMM's come a long way.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I remember reading a Silhouette Intimate Moments way back when..and they described ...erm..."IT" as his throbbing spearhead of longing.



Belinda said...

ROFLMBO!! That's too much!!

Rikki said...

Yes. Mine is
"Gentle, guiding strokes influenced her to allow him betwixt her thighs (an objective she found quite tolerable), this demarché culminating in the discovery of her womanly portal. Due to his exceedingly admirable ministrations, therewith, her womanly portal was quite anxious to be traversed."

It is from "Mr Darcy takes a wife" which ended up as a DNF for me.

Anne said...

In the latest Sookie Stackhouse novel, Sookie refers to her area as the "yahoo palace". OMG, it was funny! (She had to ice the area down after some forceful vampire lovin', who knew that was one of the dangers of vampire sex?)

Kelly said...

All of these made me giggle, a lot!!! I almost want to start reading romance novels now just so I can get some good laughs in every now and then.