Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Crusty Englishman Strikes Again - Chapter 5

For those who've seen the other posts, I've shared some chapters from this hilarious zombie romance called The Crusty Englishman by author Scott Gordon. I've been left gasping for air from laughing so hard and Scott's done it again with a new chapter. Hope you enjoy it!

Chapter Five

“What a lovely morning,” Sister Elizabeth sighed. “The chatter of birds in the air, the fresh scent of rosebuds and honeysuckles, the salty taste of the sea on the tongue…” Lizzie closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.

“And the fresh pile of manure by the wayside,” Terrance quipped. He poked his head out the carriage, and winked at a man with a frown that extended to the ground. “Jolly good work, Mr. Hague. Mud pies again, is it?” He sneered, and leaned back inside. “Too bad he’s only got one eye; no way to tell if he’s winking back. I guess that’s the price you pay for erecting a mansion among dung hovels. When you’re done breathing in that fine excrement, Lizzie, perhaps you’ll wash it down with raw sewage from the neighboring stream. Ooh…” he tried shaking it off. “I’m growing boils just thinking about it.”

“I will not let you ruin this moment.” The nun kept her eyes shut.

Terrance gazed out the window. “Oh yes, and who can forget the scent of Old Man Wiggin’s musty underwear hanging in the breeze? Hey Wiggins, I didn’t realize you wore underwear. You can have mine as well.” He poked his scarred buttocks out the side. “And while you’re at it, perhaps you can check your work.”

To keep reading, click HERE

For those that have missed it so far, here's the catch up links *grins*

Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four

And for those with a TWISTED sense of humor and love crude, tongue in cheek reading, check out his Hairy Pinga chapters - a parody on the Harry Potter series. I will warn you though, they can be a little lewd but will have you in hysterics. Proceed with caution *winks* Here's something to get you started!

Random Scene From Harry Potter Parody

1 comment:

S.E. Gordon said...

Corrupting the readership--I love it! Thanks, Belinda! :D