It all comes down to laundry. Yes, you read right - LAUNDRY. Apparently the kilts are to "icky" to clean.
"People were hiring them to wear at weddings, parties and football and rugby matches. It doesn't require a huge leap of imagination to picture what kind of states they would come back in. Because of this and the potential hygiene problems, we are politely asking people to wear underwear"
Can you believe it? ROFL I'm sorry but my first thought was "Um hello?? Even with underwear on wouldn't the kilts come back in the SAME condition?" Does the company feel that by wearing underwear the man will automatically act different and treat the kilt more gently? The kilt COVERS things. It'll cover the underwear so how the heck does the underwear protect anything other than the man's family jewels?
"This is just a way of trying to make things as pleasant as possible for all our staff and customers. In terms of hygiene, as well as comfort, we feel most people will see the sense in wearing pants... We accept that some people will be opposed, but I'm sure they would change their minds if they were forced to clean kilts on Monday morning."
Oh I'm sorry, it's too unpleasant for your workers to put the kilts into MACHINES!! Seriously, this is the reasoning behind breaking with tradition and shattering the fantasies of women all around the world? Regardless of what was happening on top of the kilts, what's happening under is too icky for delicate sensibilities and so to avoid it, each wearer must now use underwear. No clause added about being mindful of kilt treatment. No suggestion on how to protect the kilt from getting unnecessarily dirty. Anyone else laughing at how absurd this all is?
Here's what I think. It has nothing to do with protecting the material because face it, underwear is NOT going to do it. It doesn't really have anything to do with hygiene issues because if a man is willing to expose himself to the elements and ALL that comes with it, he also accepts the consequences. If the man feels there's a risk, he'll chose on his own to cover up. It's nice to be concerned with the health of your customers manhood but it all boils down to personal choice. Using your staff as an excuse doesn't cut it either because cleaning the kilts are part of a job description and for some reason I don't see people going over the kilts in fine detail looking at each stain individually. There has to be something more and I think I found it...
The firm, which has also kitted out Sir Sean Connery, right, Irvine Welsh, Jonathan Ross and John "Smeato" Smeaton, revealed it does a roaring trade in leopard print and tartan boxer shorts made to be worn under kilts
Oh good gosh!! We all have sigh inducing fantasies of the “beast” beneath the plaid but honestly, leopard print underwear is not what I personally had in mind when I eventually get a glimpse of heaven and any hope of throwing down my Highlander in a fit of passion would end the first time I got an eyeful of the hideous material.
Anyone else see it? I think we've uncovered a HUGE conspiracy!! Threatened men have banded together with the hopes they can "lessen" the appeal of Highlanders in the eyes of their women. Insecure in their own masculinity, they've lashed out at the very heart of our daydreams and attacked the very thing that has captured our attention for centuries. How can we possibly maintain the smoldering attraction to those fine warriors when we know there's no chance of sneaking a peek at the package? Or if we were to get a glimpse, all we'd see is animal print? What's next? Spandex? Silk? Leather? Oh wait *ponders* I don't think I'll have a problem with leather *grins*
Here's my suggestion to the men who made the condition. Go into your storerooms and pick yourself a kilt. If you've got a loved one, get dressed up (minus the underwear) and go give her a surprise. Trust me - she'll thank you for it!! If you're flying solo at the moment - put the kilt on anyway and strut around your house, swinging your imaginary sword. Once you're in the right mind frame, head on out for a night on the town and channelling your inner Highlander, find yourself some tasty wench and woo her!! Underwear is for sissies and if it truly is just a matter of cleaning - throw a few more coins at your staff. Kilts are meant to be worn one way and one way only so please don't mess with tradition. Leave our Highlanders bare and free as the day they were born!! *wink* Happy kilting!!
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