Hi. I would like to express my deep appreciation for your thoughtfulness in sending my long awaited books from the illustrious city of Baltimore. As everyone in the book world knows, only the finest in quality can be found there and as opposed to shipping books from the closest fulfillment center to the readers, you have chosen to send my books from the very best, not from the center that is but 3 hours from my home. Again may I say how thoughtful you are. I know that you have the best of intentions as not only are you providing a service in increasing my literacy skills, but you are also teaching me patience despite obvious stupidity and the ability to creatively use my vocabulary without seeming crass and sounding like our brave warriors who fight from ships. You have shown me that the simplest route is obviously not the easiest and that going the extra mile, or in your case 2000 miles, is a sign of good customer service. I look forward in doing future business with you and ask that I pass on a useful piece of information - Send your damn books from the closest damn fulfilment center next time so I can get my damn books sooner than damn later. If you find this too damn hard, you're in the wrong damn business so move over and let some other damn book company do it.
Thank you for your time
The Bookish Snob